I see this post as being brave.
I want to be vulnerable for a moment and say that I am not always happy and I do not practice what I write about on a daily basis as sometimes I do not even want to get out of bed.
My biggest concern with my blog is that a reader portrays me as overly happy expert on the topic of happiness, standing on top of happy hill preaching down to everyone that they should "do this or do that" in order to be happy. My concern is that if someone saw me in such a light it would be very easy for them to shut down my messages and not read any further.
That is why I want to be open and share some information with you all.
I had a rough time growing up as I was dealt a hand of cards that were not in my favor. In fact, all the psychological tests I have learned about and taken in college suggested that my upbringing set me up for a high risk of lifelong maladaptive behaviors, chronic drug use, and severe psychological/developmental disabilities. Despite my upbringing, I think I came out okay and only have a few scars to remind me of the past. One such scar that I continue to battle with daily is my dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder).
If anyone has seen the TV show Dexter, the internal feelings he goes through are very relatable to me. The other day I looked at old pictures of myself in middle school and very rarely was I smiling. It was as if I had a dark passenger of my own holding me down. If the rare picture of me smiling was found, I could tell it was not genuine. Someone at the time must have told me to "say cheese" in order to appear normal, therefore I complied. As a child and young adult I was good at faking that I was okay, but inside I was a broken soul.
As I grew older I began to truly scare myself.
I want to be vulnerable for a moment and say that I am not always happy and I do not practice what I write about on a daily basis as sometimes I do not even want to get out of bed.
My biggest concern with my blog is that a reader portrays me as overly happy expert on the topic of happiness, standing on top of happy hill preaching down to everyone that they should "do this or do that" in order to be happy. My concern is that if someone saw me in such a light it would be very easy for them to shut down my messages and not read any further.
That is why I want to be open and share some information with you all.
I had a rough time growing up as I was dealt a hand of cards that were not in my favor. In fact, all the psychological tests I have learned about and taken in college suggested that my upbringing set me up for a high risk of lifelong maladaptive behaviors, chronic drug use, and severe psychological/developmental disabilities. Despite my upbringing, I think I came out okay and only have a few scars to remind me of the past. One such scar that I continue to battle with daily is my dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder).
If anyone has seen the TV show Dexter, the internal feelings he goes through are very relatable to me. The other day I looked at old pictures of myself in middle school and very rarely was I smiling. It was as if I had a dark passenger of my own holding me down. If the rare picture of me smiling was found, I could tell it was not genuine. Someone at the time must have told me to "say cheese" in order to appear normal, therefore I complied. As a child and young adult I was good at faking that I was okay, but inside I was a broken soul.
As I grew older I began to truly scare myself.
I knew I needed to make a change in my life before something bad happened and so I used my schools computer and began to do research. This is when I came across positive psychology and the happiness movement.
I began to practice some of the findings from the research and slowly my mood began to improve. While I will always deal with the negative emotions due to the chronic nature of my condition, I have learned that there are things I can do to feel better and combat such negative thoughts.
The goal of my blog is to show that it is possible to construct happiness when it is not the easiest to do. To show people that I have seen the darkness and not only is it normal to have ups and downs, but that there is a way to turn such negative feelings around. Happiness does not only have to come from your genes and your enviornment. I want people to know that happiness can actually be a choice. No matter where someone is currently they can go from a place of brokenness like I was to a place of meaning and construct something that they are proud to share with others.
Thank you for reading my blog.
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